Edward Lai Harner, Edward Harner
Andrea Harner
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February 21, 2005

Jonah fights the telemarketers!

~ring ring~

Caller ID says: Arizona

Jonah picks up and says: Arizona Better Business Bureau, how can I help you?

Arizona hangs up.

~ring ring~

Caller ID says: MCI

Jonah picks up and says: ATT Wireless, how can I help you?

MCI hangs up.



Oh! I like! I like a lot! Jonah's obviously a superhero for having used this approach - seriously. Although since the "Do Not Call" listing went into effect (whether via Congress or Dubya - I can't remember), I've noticed a huge drop in these types of calls. However, I now have a new weapon for those that make it through the initial screen!

Posted by: |mr|Darcy at February 21, 2005 8:38 PM

I heard of these guys who masturbate whenever a telemarketer calls, and they do it by asking alot of inappropriate questions.

According to some news show I watched, alot of the overseas call centers have rules where to telemarketer can't hang up until he/she has delivered there full message.

They played some of the tapes on the show, it was great!!!

Ahh, I'm not in any way suggesting this is an appropriate mannor of dealing with the telemarketer. I think J's method is better.

Posted by: BOB at February 21, 2005 9:49 PM

I like this one.
Just have a loud gunshot go off in the phone and then a loud thud, followed by silence.
Please don't try this at home.

Posted by: dgibbphoto at February 23, 2005 12:43 AM

That's not a bad approach, but I'm sure most of them are too relentless to give up after that attempt. I'll try it, but I'm having a fealing it's going to have a very feeble attempt on repelling them.

Posted by: David Kornahrens at February 23, 2005 6:26 AM

My friend Claire had a great experience with a foolish telemarketer from MCI. She picked up the phone: "Hello?"

"Hello, this is Mike calling for MCI."

"I'm sorry, they're not here right now." She hung up.

Posted by: David at February 23, 2005 10:41 AM

came here via kottke.

Still love the old Seinfeld (?) one -

--- "Hello this is Peter calling from Vodafone"

"Hello - I can't speak with you right now. Can you give me your private number and I will call you back this evening?"

--- "Ehh no. I can't do that."

"Why not?"

Posted by: Halvard Halvorsen at February 23, 2005 11:55 AM

Anti Telemarketing counterscript


Posted by: mare at February 23, 2005 12:23 PM

My method has always been highly effective: I hang up.

No need to be an asshole to someone who's just doing their highly crappy, badly paying job. While I've never worked as a telemarketer and I have to agree that there is a line crossed when you agree to do it it still isn't fair to be actively mean to them or try something overly creative. Hanging up is simple and effective for both of you.

As far as creative responses go my favorite when asked about long distance (especially from my phone company as I do not have long distance service by choice) or other phone services is to simply inform them that I'm not interested as I do not have a phone.

Posted by: Mark at February 23, 2005 1:47 PM

There is a Danish company who specializes in telling salesmen that they don't use their kind of product, they even have a page called http://www.vibrugerikke.dk (translation: we don't use). As they are a nice bunch, they also have an English version: http://miracleas.dk/VBI/index.asp?sprog=2"

Posted by: Kim Gammelgård at February 23, 2005 1:49 PM

When they say: "May I speak to John?", you reply calmly: "No, you may not," and hang up.

Posted by: Ray at February 23, 2005 6:07 PM

*Mark*, you are far too polite. "Simple and effective"? Hey it's my phone. And thanks to Congress, they *know damn well* they're not welcome. Which is why so many of them decided to become "researchers".

Yeah? Research THIS

Posted by: Tony at February 24, 2005 5:03 AM

Here is an approach, don't answer.

Posted by: Frank at February 24, 2005 3:28 PM

You actually still get telemarketing calls? Do not call list worked for me - telemarketing calls come about once every few months. Can't even remember the last time I got one.

Posted by: Grandpa at February 24, 2005 11:40 PM

I remember being called by a satellite TV company and I absolutely stumped them by telling them I did not have a television (true). Their flabbergasted reaction was pretty funny at the time. However, relatives that I'd told the story to had various calls from roof repairing companies ("I'm sorry, I don't have a roof") and security blind manufacturers ("I'm sorry, I don't have any windows"). Well, it might sound dumb, but how can you argue with it? It seems to work!

Posted by: Dalexis at March 1, 2005 4:31 AM
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