Edward Lai Harner, Edward Harner
Andrea Harner
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March 8, 2005

Scientology SOS!

I was at B & N the other day when I "found myself in" the Self-Help section picking this up:


The very first page is filled with quotes like these:

"I have been a successful actor for more than twently years and Scientology has played a major role in that success. I would say that Scientology put me into the big time." -John Travolta

"In Scientology you can find answers for anything you could ever think to ask. These are not pushed off on you as, 'this is the answer, you have to believe in it.' In Scientology you discover for yourself what is true for you." -Jenna Elfman

"Scientology is the gateway to eternity. It is the path to happiness and total spiritual freedom. Until one has experienced the technology of Scientology it's unlikely that one will ever experience these wonderful discoveries. I know because it has worked for me. The more time and effort I invest, the more I receive. I highly recommend it." -Isaac Hayes

Could Scientology really have all the answers and be the gateway to eternity?!

Going forward, please, as responsible readers, please please read between my lines and be on fire engine red alert for my slippage into Scientology...the gateway to eternity, where all the answers lay, the path to happiness and total spiritual freedom...


Drink the Kool-Aid Heather! Just drink up! All the answers lie in the bottom of the Dixie cup! Total spiritual freedom and 100% of the daily recommended average of vitamin C!

Posted by: Heather at March 8, 2005 10:20 AM

Just wait until they get you as far up the money pyramid (it *is* essentially a pyramid scheme) and then they start with, I kid you not, ghost aliens floating around that are responsible for many of mankind's ills, Xenu sending a spaceship to Earth, and joining a bunch of wannabe sailors called SeaOrg.

Posted by: Agulator at March 8, 2005 12:27 PM

Okay, okay... I'm breathing deeply and trying to avoid the euphoria that so often accompanies Scientology so that I may render humbly an opinion - which I hope Scientology permits still. A question, though... Has any one -ology, -ism, -lam, or -anity ever "unified" humanity's existence...?

Methinks... not.

If anything, beliefs such as these have only segregated societies and peoples into smaller compartments - with most wanting to claim they represent the one, true "Voice" needed for the whole. Such divisions (whether for ill or good, conscience or not) emphasize the differences and not the commonalities between competing thoughts. In the end, such beliefs appear largely divisive and not overly unifying.

Therefore, what does Scientology have that the other -ologys don't? The answer - not much aside from a different perspective to humanity - based primarily in reasoned truth to the (almost) exclusion of faith.

I have to question, though, any belief that references the approval of the United States' Internal Revenue Service (IRS) for proof of it being a bona fide religion... Call me crazy! At least Joseph Smith had his archangel, some golden plates, and magic stones... (No offense or exclusion toward the Mormons there... just using them as a testament - can I get a Hallelujah from the readers?)

And yea, He said unto thee, "Go forth and do many, good works - provided your IRS Form 1023 has been filed in accordance with IRC 501(c)(3) before the prescribed deadline."

See?!? It just doesn't work... smoothly...

K'ung Fu Tzu (Confucius) and the Chinese philosophers, I believe, were closer to the ethical essence of existence (not to be confused with the reason or observed state of humanity - I think the western philosophers were more on target there, but I digress yet again) far more than all beliefs.

"The essentials of the yin-yang school are as follows: the universe is run by a single principle, the Tao, or Great Ultimate. This principle is divided into two opposite principles, or two principles which oppose one another in their actions, yin and yang. All the opposites one perceives in the universe can be reduced to one of the opposite forces."

As part of a Confucius example, were I a conservative, Republican (which - indeed - I am), I should believe that our society should have a liberal, Democrat to counter my existence, creating (as long as both agree to the same set of rules) harmony. Yeah, right!

The problem with this example is that there are those people that believe (earnestly even) they are above others. And they create - for "whatever" reason(s) they WANT to reference - ripples in the pond of harmony. Now, just picture what kind of ripple pattern you'd get in the pond when - oh say - a hundred people think this way... Looks very much like the world we live in... Provocatively so.

In parting, I leave with the words of a young but oh so wise sage - Ferris Beauller.

"[The exam is] on European socialism. I mean, really. What's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan to be European. So, who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.

"Not that I condone fascism. Or any "isms". "Isms", in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an "ism". He should believe in himself. John Lennon said it on his first solo album. "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me." A good point there. After all, he was the Walrus."

Posted by: |mr|Darcy at March 8, 2005 12:38 PM

I have two comments:

First, Mr. Darcy has somehow summed up my many incoherent thoughts on the exclusionism of organized relegion in what I would classify as nothing short of a great post. I usually just point out that religions tend to be so "High School" in that mentality of: "I define myself by whom I hang with and by keeping you out."

Second, it pisses me off that I can't fairly argue against Travolta's claim that he has had a successful career for over twenty years. By any definition it has been a succesful acting career, even though, in the aggregate, he is mediocre.

Posted by: BOB at March 8, 2005 12:59 PM

C'mon Bob! It's so obvious what John did... He sold his soul to Satan for material gain in this world - although John can't (necessarily) prove Beelzebub's existence.

This li'l omission is just a side act to the Greater Pageant of the Life According to John!

Posted by: Imr|Darcy at March 8, 2005 1:09 PM

Would the brother from down under want to be associated with Face Off? Broken Arrow and/or Sword Fish -- I'm convinced they are the same movie, I have never seen them shown at the same time? Staying Alive and/or Perfect -- once again same movie? Look who's talking et al.? BATTLEFIELD EARTH?

If the devil is behind this, we're all in trouble.

Nonetheless, its not all bad, JFK Jr. could have been somewhat bright and not flown his plane into the ocean.

Plus, I have not heard a peep from Cuomo Jr.

I guess you have to count your blessings, and respect the Ying/Yang of it all.

Posted by: BOB at March 8, 2005 1:52 PM

Heath, after reading the lengthy comments from the fans who follow your site, um... "religiously," I once again vote for the Kool-Aid.

Posted by: Heather at March 8, 2005 4:58 PM

Kool-Aid... Far too esoteric... visions of Jim Jones or should it be Tom Wolfe...? Regardless, how 'bout Boppin' Berry from Hi-C?!? Arsenic and/or cyanide complementary, of course, and in juice box-sized amounts!

And |mr|Darcy is an equal opportunity botherer... There's nothing quite like spreading your version of "happy, happy, joy, joy" to as many places and people as possible - including your own patch of sunshine (but that - like the location of the Bat Cave - will remain an unknown)!

"Shelves in the closet. Happy thoughts indeed!" - Miss Elizabeth Bennett.

Posted by: |mr|Darcy at March 8, 2005 9:36 PM

Before he allegedly disappeared, L. Ron Hubbard the sci-fi writer who used to get 5 cents a page was quoted as saying "The only way to get the big money in this life is either through religion or politics." So he made his own. Watch out for there them Thetans! :)

Posted by: Agulator at March 9, 2005 1:49 PM

L. Ron Hubbard always displayed a good imagination in his novels, and in the religion he invented.

If you think it will make you happy, I say go for it.

Posted by: Trevor at March 11, 2005 9:39 AM
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