Andrea Harner
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July 31, 2006

A kitten passes out and it's worth watching

Thank God for youtube. We get to watch a kitten act like a junkie who just shot up heroin:

Island of the Sharks: IMAX

Watching Island of the Sharks was a pure delight. You feel as though you're underwater, right there with the goat fish, hammerhead sharks, flounder, stingray, sea turtle, hermit crab, marlin, mantis shrimp, starfish, reef sharks, etc until you're reminded of how dry and comfortable you are on your couch. The Making Of is pretty good too. Be warned - it's not really a shark movie at all - it's a wonderful underwater survey of Cocos Island.

Best line narrated in the context of how much hermit crabs like to move into new homes: "There's an old saying among hermit crabs - if the shell fits, wear it." Really?! Hermit crabs have been saying that for a long time?! That's terrific.

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Ganglion Cyst Support Group?

Any of you also have one of these?

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July 28, 2006

MIAMI July '06!!

For my 30th birthday Jonah and I went to Miami!

South Beach baby!

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Look at that delicious ocean!

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See how clear the water is?

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I realized early on that I am a water creature. Like a fish out of water that's just been returned to the ocean/the fishbowl/the river, I was so fucking happy and relieved to be in water:

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But my eyeballs are more of the delicate human kind:

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Get away from me while I'm peeing! J/K. I've never ever peed in the ocean.

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Jonah's more like an amphibian but he was loving it too:

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This is an advertisement for marriage & visors:

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Note that the further out people went, the shallower it got - it was surreal:

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If you're looking for a good pose you can always fall back on, try this Japanese inspired classic!

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The type of beach I love - with beach chairs and umbrellas. The Hotel was great in that included in your price of stay are complimentary beach chairs and umbrellas:

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A bunch of beach bums:

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A perfectly nice butt:

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Hey, Baywatch!

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Pam?? Carmen?? Hoff, you there??

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You have to love Miami dolls girls - bleached blonde, all smiles, hot pink lipstick, sunglasses, nails and bikini:

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After a day at the beach we checked out Miami architecture - don't knock the deco!

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Many of the buildings in Miami also change colors:

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They think it's worth the money:

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Obviously it is:

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The first night we went to a Cuban diner/restaurant and ate terrible bread and salad and terrific shrimp in garlic sauce:

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You can all thank my camera for its self-timer function - without it you wouldn't have this special picture (Todd Oldham tie-dye robes are yours to roll around in while staying at the Todd Oldham designed The Hotel):

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On the second day it started storming at about 2 pm.

I just didn't want to buy it.

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The clouds don't say t-storm do they?

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It's like when your bangs are all blowing one way:

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Thank god for Jonah who's blessed with the ability to anticipate so he said, we should leave the beach soon and head to a cafe before all these people do the same. Sad to say, had he not suggested that I would have been the last person on the beach, blindly believing that maybe, just maybe the storm wasn't approaching after all.

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Even though this was what the beach side of the sky looked like...

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The storm was just minutes away and as foreseen, the exodus from the beach to the cafes started right after we nestled in at the News Cafe where we ate and drank a girly drink and a unisex drink:

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My solo wet t-shirt contest - winner!

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Post-storm sky:

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Post-storm ocean:

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Post-storm beach:

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Post-storm lonely lifeguard station:

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Post-storm swim face-lick:

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Off to our fancy dinner at Big Fish:

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Thankfully our cab driver knew exactly where it was because it seems a bit hard to find. In case you're lost with a cabby you can pound on the back of his seat and scream, there's a three foot wide neon sign of the outline of a fish! Can't you find it?? I know we're in a city of neon but it's of a fish!! and you'll find it in no time:

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Fresh made tagliatelle with lobster, shitake mushrooms and truffle butter - quite good although a little too salty:

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Jonah's was delicious - Black ink linguini with scallops & asparagus and saffron sauce:

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View from table:

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Across the street from the restaurant was another changing color building:

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It's a night club - the sort of place I don't ever ever ever go to anymore:

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And then there was the rooftop pool which was truly spectacular. Clean, nicely designed, view of the ocean, nice staff, delicious frozen mojitis:

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From the other side:

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I really should have had a visor on! 30 years old and wrinkles accumulating!

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More floating - I only recently accomplished floating so...

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Jonah was reading a book that was getting on his nerves - psssttt - Confessions of an Economic Hit Man, it's subject is enticing but it's poorly written by a guy who may have narcissistic personality disorder:

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Pool time is happy time!

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The pain in the ass nasal spray needed chilling so we gave it some ice and a mint leaf from our mojito - a spray-ito!

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On our last night we went to have dinner with a family friend who loves roses so we were off to the flower shop - flowers sure are pretty!

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This nipped at me when I got close:

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Here's what you'll get for $50 in Miami - it was tremendous and very heavy:

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All trips come to a jarring end at a terminal gate. Miami airport was filthy - there was a little mousy:

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A woman screamed and ran away when she saw this little fella.

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As a New Yorker (it's just a mouse, it's not even a rat, lady) and a photographer, I was unfazed and poised to snap photos - mice are very fast and little point and shoot digital cameras can't keep up very well:

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Since we've been back, Jonah and I have been busy eating lots of candy:

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* Miami is special! It doesn't quite feel like you're in America.

** We booked our flight and hotel through travelocity (not so with Tra....velocity!) which had decent package prices.

*** If you're audio sensitive/can be difficult about noise, you should pack a pair of earplugs. The Hotel as all the hotels in the area and architecture in the tropics are constructed with thin walls.

July 27, 2006

Best book, movie, song

The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

The Godfather

The Humpty Dance

Little Miss Sunshine

Little Miss Sunshine is so worth seeing - I don't know how else to say it than that. It is what I consider a truly great comedy - bittersweet as all life, comic and tragic, is. At the end of the movie I wanted to pack up the whole dysfunctional family (I realize the use of that adjective is unnecessary and redundant) and bring them home with me to become a bigger, happy, miserable, dysfunctional family.

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Thanks to my cousin Harmony for the recommendation!

Best hand-me-down: vintage designer handbags!

My mom and I have a great system worked out. She buys delicious designer handbags nearly 20 years ago, thoroughly enjoys them, then passes them onto to me when they're nicely vintage!

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Nice teamwork! Yay, us!

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Thanks Mom for being a lover of designer handbags! It's proof enough I'm your daughter.

July 26, 2006

Dinner party with baby

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Thanks to Baby Einstein Cyrus Klinenberg for hosting us!

Camera's night mode was on!

Jazz hands never fail!

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Ditzy and fierce!

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World Cup Celebration, Italian Style!!!

You know you've taken way too long to download your photos when there is picture proof of a major event weeks ago.

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*12th btw University & Broadway after game watching and Zidane head-butt analyzing at Meg & Jason's.

July 25, 2006

Shower Peeer

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July 24, 2006

Do you have the best dentist & dermatologist in NYC??

I'd love to get to know them intimately.

If they accept HIP Prime insurance you can expect a finder's fee - copy of mouth xrays or fungal photos.

Thank you resourceful readers!

GMail quote of the day

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television." - Woody Allen

Ain't that the truth!

July 21, 2006

Jonah and I, enjoying Miami

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* Jonah (left) implores me, "Girl, your ass has never looked so good and I know it's not just that bow. Tell me about the butt implants - I'll never tell."

Gift Guessing Game

Can you guess which gift came from a stand up comedian and which came from a stay at home mom?

A) PrincePurpleRainAlbum.jpg

B) GiftfromChelsea.jpg

Answers:

A) Gabby Nicosia, stay at home mom, soon to give birth any day now!

B) Chelsea Peretti, stand up comedian!

Irony folks, IRONY!!

More irony: Miami has been cooler (temp wise) than NYC.

July 20, 2006

Off to My Hammy!

Just kidding guys...Miami!

* Enormous thanks to my friends and family who have made me feel loved and made this birthday as painless as possible.

THE ABSOLUTE BEST VIDEO EVER

For bigger screen click here.

July 19, 2006

Sleeping less

I used to need a solid 8-9 hours of sleep but these days I'm happy with 7-8. Does this mean I'm successfully aging?

P.S. Your favorite blogger is turning 30 tomorrow. Calm down. It is ok.

Panty Proof of Global Warming

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via Kottke.org

The Staircase by Jean-Xavier de Lestrade

The Staircase is a fascinating and well-done doc by the filmmaker who also made the Academy Award-winning Murder on a Sunday Morning.

This six hour, 8 part documentary originally aired on the Sundance Channel but I had the pleasure of compulsively watching it in two sittings thanks to Netflix. The filmmaker takes you behind the scenes of the defense team of Michael Peterson who is accused of murdering his wife. If you like true crime mysteries and our legal process you will love this. As Peterson's life with all its complexities and dark sides came to the surface, I wasn't any closer to deeming him guilty or innocent.

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July 18, 2006

Whoever guesses closest to when the blackout in NYC's going to happen,

wins $5!*

* less shipping.

You know it's bad when the temperature increases throughout the day

And anything that begins with Record ____ is no good either. Hey global warming, nice to meet ya!

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Lessons learned from weekend trip to Dia: Beacon

1) Dia: Beacon is a fun museum worth visiting.

2) If you must stay overnight in the town of Beacon, stay at the Botsford Briar Inn - this bed & breakfast is an anomaly in an otherwise desolate town - I'm being a little harsh here but trust me - it's not worth trying to disprove me - trust me again.

3) "Appy Hour" is the way to eat! No more entrees! No more entrees! No more entrees! Appetizers all the way while loudly proclaiming the virtues of "appy hour" to your server! "You don't have appy hour??!! What a shame. I'll have to create it myself then! Apps and only apps and more apps please! It's..........appy hour!!"

4) Cold Spring, NY is a 5 minute train ride south of Beacon and is bumpin' in comparison - antique shops and cute restaurants all along the slightly suspect Hudson River - what's the 411 on the river? Clean? Safe??

5) Cars. You know the big things that contain an engine that can transport you from place to place faster than on foot and storage space that you take for granted until you find yourself dragging around all your luggage? They're are a great thing. Although it's possible to just take the Metro-North up there, walk to your hotel and walk around places, rent a car.

Thanks to Jonah, Chelsea and Della for a fun weekend!

Thanks GMail, I don't even have a kid yet and I already feel like a bad mom

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10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always
reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester,
and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in
the same way that hanging around tall people will make
you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all
kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry
their pets because a dog has legal standing and can
sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and
hasn't changed at all; women are still property,
blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still
illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay
marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears'
55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce
children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old
people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our
orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more
children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children,
since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a
theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are
imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only
one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a
female role model at home. That's why we as a society
expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of
society; we could never adapt to new social norms.
Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the
service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

* Thanks to my brother for this awesome email forward!

July 17, 2006

Bunion surgery attempted by dog

Hhhmmmm, how am I going to do this??

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I'm going to have to give it my all, that's for sure!

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Shake things up a bit, tear some ligaments, reset some bones

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Chew on the toes furthest away from the problem area

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Gnaw a little closer to the source

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Try a deadly gas attack

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Damn, this was harder than I thought, I'll just cover it up

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A for effort, Angus!

Great White Shark Jump Video

Try not to look like an elephant seal when you're in the ocean...

* YouTube is great!

The Devil's Teeth by Susan Casey

This was a pretty exciting read although chapter 10 nearly bored me to tears. Her sensationalistic writing and the little known, spectacular shark facts that are sprinkled throughout make The Devil's Teeth a worthwhile read:

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July 14, 2006

Thursday Dream Monkey

My poor readers. I've decided you're all dream whisperers so you're expected to interpret my dreams. How about this one from yesterday morning? ...besides the obvious...

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* I realize that our relationship has been taken to a new level with this weird post - are you ready for the intimacy and craziness??!!

July 13, 2006

Some Dark Thoughts on Happiness by Jennifer Senior

A very interesting New York Magazine article.

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Bunny butt is the cutest butt

I saw this, passed out, was in a 5 minute coma and finally woke up thanks to smelling salts.

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Trump University, PhD Candidate

It feels great to have been hand-picked by The Donald...September '06 enrollment.

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Perhaps the most important quote

"Perfectionism is the highest form of self-abuse."

* Read it in this month's Glamour mag interview with Ashley Judd who attributed it to her priest but who's the originator? We may never know.

July 12, 2006

July 4th Weekend: The Berkshires!

It was July 4th weekend and we were off to the Berkshires - we had never been there so we were going to share in the fun of exploring together - or so I thought. Once we got there Jonah realized, "oh, I have been here!" Great...

Nature - opening shot:

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First stop was Mass Moca because we were sick without art - j/k. - like really really j/k. We got there in the evening and noticed it so stopped by.

Oooohhhh, arty shot from behind, Dre!

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Our friend Natalie Jeremijenko's upside down trees!

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Jonah didn't realize how he inspired me here...

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Until I did this funny move:

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There's only so much art you can take so we went in search of Jay-Z cds. We stopped at Walmart and discovered that they were all censored cds so in tremendously effective protest we didn't buy anything. We did however notice that a bird lived in the A:

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Thank god for Best Buy, we had uncensored tunes to get us to putt-putt!

We weren't going to be fooled by their tricky course.

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All lined up - lookin' good, Dre!

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Hhhhhmmmmm:

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This is what is called an air putt or what Jonah calls a practice swing:

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Jonah slapped himself a few times and got serious:

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And looked towards the mountains in search of his ball:

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FYI - I lost to Jonah by 6 points. I'm pretty sure he cheated by 7 points.

The following morning we set off to our primo destination - Shaker Village! You heard correctly...

While there, we seriously contemplated celibacy since the Shakers lived that way and wondered, "is it so different from our lives now??" ha ha ha ha ha ha HA!!

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We asked the guide all dressed up (more like dressed down!) like a Shaker what the biggest scandal to rock the Shaker community was and he answered with a story about two Shakers in love, taking the train up to Albany and getting married. Once married however they were filled with such remorse that they hung out in the lobby of the hotel all night so that there wouldn't be any mistaking that they did not consumate their marriage. Supposedly the guy was so guilt-ridden he returned to the Shaker community that morning and the woman took the $10,000 they had embezzled from the community stash and took off, never to be seen again!

That was what we needed to know so then we were off!

No American holiday weekend is complete without a car show!!

We searched for a car for me - either a Jag XJS or an MG Roadster, I'm flexible - but unfortunately they were mostly all American cars:

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Makes me proud to be American:

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Can't not love this - it's purple:

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Owner of this car's a big skiier:

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I wanted what Granny had:

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We were a bit concerned but not enough to investigate - buffalo wings called:

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We ended that day by drinking beer and eating buffalo wings at the pub across from the inn where we stayed - we're married, what do you expect us to do? Party?!

The following morning we were off to Waconah Falls! I love love love love love waterfalls.

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Snowmelt feels cozy:

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Fellow Americans:

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A forest nymph:

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We then went biking!

I especially enjoyed leaving Jonah in the metaphorical dust and gloating!!

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I even had time to admire the shadows:

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Now can you see him??

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My view while biking - his view was a still-life:

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Although he was gaining speed...

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Poor me didn't know he was getting closer...

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Check out his shadow's body language!

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And then I heard a super annoying, "ON YOUR LEFT!"

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And then it was his turn to gloat:

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And enjoy his view and mess up mine - not that we're competitive:

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Friendly tip - if you're deathly allergic to bee stings like yours truly, it's good to wear bright colors that attract bees like a flourescent orange skirt as pictured and to forget your epi-pen:

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Who doesn't love gooses geese on a lake?

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And purple flowers?

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Oh my god! What happened to the background??!!

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White flowers:

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After biking and smelling photographing the flowers along the way, Pecks Falls was our next destination and second waterfall in one day!!!

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They were beautiful:

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And I was cold!!

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But I knew I had to brave it:

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Even as I got numb and number:

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Because it is almost always worth it:

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JP was ready:

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Looking brave, Jonah!

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Frozen pensive moment - he might have been peeing here:

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He was fine!

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Nature - closing shot:

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* Thanks to me for my ingenuity to finally google, "html for crossing out words" and discovering the STRIKE TAG!!! Get used to a lot of crossed out words, bitches!! Please bear with me while I overuse this great html tag for a while!!!

** Thanks to the friendly guy at Berkshire Outfitters (not at all like Urban Outfitters, people!) for the Pecks Falls tip!

July 11, 2006

Grandma's got style!

Here's my grandma who was runner-up for Minnie Mouse's voice, ran for congress for 17 years and regularly pulls up next to drivers she thinks have their music playing too loudly and yells, turn it down!

Love ya, Nahna!

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* My Nahna Carol Harner and my bro Edward Harner in Yosemite, July 4th weekend.

July 10, 2006

An Italian gift from me to you

Viva Italia!!! Viva! Viva!

In celebration of the Italian World Cup win...here are some Italian sumo wrestlers for you:

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Haruki Murakami speaks out against the rise of Japanese Nationalism

Thank god for Murakami.

"Haruki Murakami has spoken about his fears for his country amid a rise in Japanese nationalism, and revealed plans to deal with the issue in his next novel."

via Kottke.

Dream Whisperers, now's the time to show-off your skills

Woke up this morning from this dream:

I walked out into a street area that looked like it might go up in flames at any second given the number of people smoking and recreationally bomb-making but then I saw a canal nearby so I thought, "at least there's water nearby which could quell the imminent explosion." Then I spotted a really cute old man with his really cute puppy - breed unknown. I met up with the guy and said it seemed scary back there and he said, "we're safe as long as we're with my pooch because she's Hebrew and God loves them." I must have looked skeptical and confused so he explained, "well, of course if she's in dangerous situations enough her chances of getting hurt increase." We continued walking away from the chaos and the old man told me he used to be a calligrapher and stenciler (don't think these are related trades) for the New York Observer where he gave "very specific examples of this and that which is how we used to do it in the old days." (what???) Then I asked him what his dog's name was and he replied, "Stretch."

July 7, 2006

Sweetest email from my parents

"We both want to wish you and Jonah a hearty congratulations on your first anniversary. Just remember, as wonderful as it has been, it keeps getting better."

Happy 1 year anniversary to Andrea & Jonah!!

Hey, it's us! A year ago today! How about that?!

Hey good-looking! Wanna get married today?? Do I see some nerves in that smile??

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We were off - you'll see a lot of the back of my dress in this post - I couldn't resist:

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Thanks for stopping for us cabbie! You were pretty integral to our plan:

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Taxi moment:

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It seems like someone realized once they got to City Hall that she forgot her license that her hubby went back for:

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Most romantic part of wedding - writing check to the cashier:

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It's getting hot (and silly) in here!!

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Snoozing while waiting to get married:

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It's important to crack yourselves up!

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It was our turn - sometimes dresses get stepped on in the process:

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The rings fit:

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It was official!

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Officially sweet post-marriage kiss:

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Yay!! Jonah was on the phone to coordinate with our friends and family and strippers - j/k!

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Hey! There's the back of that dress again!

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We had a meeting of the minds with our bus guide Rockwell who posed and rehearsed in style:

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Remember, it's important to have your friends throw bird seed and not rice, because rice supposedly makes the pigeons explode, which could have been cool but would have taken the spotlight away from us:

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Hugs all around! Jonah and his Mom:

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Jonah and his Dad:

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The Sisters in Law hug it out:

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Jonah's new extended famiglia!

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The bus adventure begins!

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And from behind!

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Appetizers before dinner - me and my bro:

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That's a pretty bride face, Andrea!

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My Pops:

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Don't let Jonah's Mom's sleepy face fool you - she was ready to party!

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Dinner was very sweetly all about toasts,

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toasts,

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toasts,

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and more toasts!

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After dinner we went to the Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park and noticed that the ducklings received our wedding invitation!!

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Here's the documenting of the group photo that never turned out:

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We played a shoe game that I swear wasn't done just to show off our hot shoes:

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Kerroppi umbrellas should make at least one appearance at every wedding:

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Have I mentioned that I loved my dress?

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My parents, happy as clams:

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Woooohooooo!!!

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Happy times:

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The End:

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* To our friends and family who might not have seen enough representation of themselves in this post: Having over 1000 photos it was easiest to pick out these few for this post but don't worry you'll see more of your fine selves in the wedding album (s) that you'll get to look through for hours and hours and hours and then you can take a break and by then you'll be ready for the second and third volumes.

A big shout out!

To the friends and family who have so sweetly congratulated us today.

Thanks for the reminder!!

ha ha ha ha.

July 6, 2006

Jay-Z: The Blueprint

As my brother has said for years, I like music that was hot a few years ago. The way I look at it and congratulate myself is that I bother only with music that's stood the test of time - way to go Dre!

Here it is. The fantastic album that came out five years ago that I have just this weekend fallen in love with. If anyone has been in a coma for several years or has exceptionally discriminating taste like yours truly, check it out now!

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Best Sunscreen FOUND

I have been looking for good sunscreen for years. One or two. Now I can kick back and drink an OE under my sun lamp because I've found the best.

The Helioplex technology used in this product is supposedly what the Europeans have been using for years and any suncreenie (like foodie, humor me) knows that the Europeans have superior sunscreen. That coupled with the fact that it does not feel greasy when applied on the face is great. And it's spf 55 which is good for people (me) who have recently discovered sunspots and realize tanning is not as cool as it was in the 7th grade when people (I) covered the Thriller record album (folded out, remember?) with aluminum foil and sat in the optimal sun attack spot.

Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry-Touch Sunblock SPF 55.

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Full disclosure: Neutrogena has been advertising their helioplex technology like crazy so I'm not sure to what degree their advertising has influenced my opinion on this product.

July 5, 2006

A way to feel awesome about yourself*

At lunchtime, sit next to someone who is audibly and frantically speaking into their phone saying, "I am so filled with self-hatred right now. I just got this awesome job where I have more responsibility than I've ever had...so much so that I feel like they must have mistakenly hired me... and then I go out and get wasted last night, show up at work late this morning and feel like death right now. I have no one to hate but myself."

* Unless you did the same thing the night before.

** Overhead in Duke's Deli on Broadway

Hoarders & Returners

I've been fascinated with hoarders and returners for a while now and have started accumulating information for a documentary. If you'd like to share any thoughts, anecdotes or experiences on these topics please comment or email me.

Interesting BBC article on hoarders and a ABC article on returners.

My new part time job

It's amazing, the opportunities that present themselves (in your inbox)!

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THE PERFECT MARK: How a Massachusetts psychotherapist fell for a Nigerian email scam

A fascinating and frustrating New Yorker article by Mitchell Zuckoff - How does someone, especially an educated someone, get duped time and time again??

Video projects





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